COMING SOON: ‘Blade Runner 2049,’ ‘Apes,’ ‘The Dark Tower,’ and a Bunch of Comedy
We’ve got a bunch of new trailers for you this week on BoxOffice Trailer Throw Down!
WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES
We’ve shared many an APES trailer here but THIS one isn’t only the most war-y and the most ape-y, it’s also the final one.
BLADE RUNNER 2049
Yes, okay, this is a trailer for the BLADE RUNNER sequel but how many of you saw that shot of Ryan Gosling holding a girl in the rain and are now hoping it also is in the same universe as THE NOTEBOOK?
THE DARK TOWER
A kid has visions but grown ups don’t believe him so he walks through a portal in a wall to go on an adventure to save the world. Sounds a but like CHRONICLES OF NARNIA, right? Well, it’s not.
War. So much war. War by the barrel over here. There are no jokes to even be had in this trailer. Just war.
THE BIG SICK
Ray Romano sets up this trailer for a film based on a true story by saying, “Everything is a lie.” I just don’t know what to believe anymore.
BATTLE OF THE SEXES
This trailer tested well with the thirty-year-old female sitting next to me, “I don’t know who is luckier: the three hot young dudes who get to make out with Reese Witherspoon, or Reese Witherspoon who gets to make out with three hot young dudes.”
ROUGH NIGHT (Restricted Trailer)
Cocaine! Strippers! Murder! Also, Kate McKinnon is Australian now.
Wait, can you actually get an infection there? Sounds like something to consult with a physician, we just do the trailers.
THE EMOJI MOVIE
This is a movie where Sir Patrick Stewart voices a sentient pile of feces who fathered a smaller sentient pile of feces.
She is like a modern day Mulan, where she disguises herself like a boy to go on adventures, but instead of hanging out with talking dragons she’s trying to provide for her family while her dad is imprisoned by the Taliban.
The tractors make cow noises! That is delightful yet becomes increasingly confusing the more one thinks about it.